Today's date: 22 August 2010.
Nine months.... it's been a long time since I've blogged. Believe me, I've asked myself why I haven't written anything, but I keep coming up empty. As I sit down to write again, I realize the lack of blog entries may be, in part, because of the life distractors I've experienced over the past nine months. The holidays, the Outpatient Mental Health Clinic rotation (which almost killed me!), the dissertation, the dissertation, and then the dissertation defense! So much going on in the past several months.... where shall I even begin?
In the Liturgical calendar there are all these green months. When I used to teach Sunday school to the preschoolers, I taught them the song about the calendar with the words, "green is for the growing time." These are generally the weeks/months between Lent and Advent with the exception of those few "white" weeks we call Easter (aka: Celebration!!). I've been in a bit of a growing time for the whole freakin' year, but I'd say the hiatus from blogging, and its subsequent silence especially punctuates a growing time for me. See, in the growing time that's when we are busy with day-to-day life, the doing, and we don't even notice what's going on within us. We don't even recognize it until we stop, look back, and say with astonishment, "What the heck? Where'd you come from? My how you've grown! How did that happen? Just look how big you are now!" You can't see it in the midst of the act of growing. It's only in reflection that we can see just how far we've come.
I recently got to spend about an hour on the phone with a very dear friend who I had not talked to in... gee, not even sure? at least six months or so.... I was able to catch him up on all the happenings of my life over the past year. We eagerly swapped stories about where life has taken us, what we're doing now, and how much things have changed in the past year. This friend had been an almost daily part of my life throughout grad school, and he knew the ins and outs of my angst related to internship, kids, and future career possibilities. He was one to always encourage me to take the scariest leaps and also one of my greatest cheerleaders. He watched with pride, a smile, and just a tinge of envy as I feverishly threw myself into creating the best possible internship application. He was also there with a broken heart for me when things didn't turn out the way I'd planned. Being a retired Army colonel, he beamed when I talked of joining the Air Force, and without his support and encouragement, I'm not sure I would have "crossed into the blue." The past year and all its changes have sent us in different directions (as he always said it would), but I have a better understanding now for what he had meant when he had talked in the past about his military friendships. He would say, "I had some of the best friends, some of the closest, tightest relationships; people I knew I could count on, and then we'd move; although I'd go on, maybe not ever seeing those people again, I will always cherish those relationships and look on them fondly." Naturally, that was happening to us.... but what a gift to be able to share over the phone the past several months with him. I thoroughly enjoyed hearing his, "I knew it! I told you that would happen!" and "See, didn't I say things would come around!" and "Oh, I'm so happy for you!" and, because he's ever the protector, "Be careful... don't jump too quick." I don't know when I'll hear from him again, but I know I will.
I also exchanged email with my COT friend, Worthington, this week after a visit from some of those Mormon missionary boys (I, of course, practically invited them in to have cookies so I could tell them about my buddy, Worthington, and all our runs together at officers' training! I think those boys were ready to get rid of me!). We both admitted to some slight nostalgia for a hot Alabama summer run as we've both recently heard from new officers just completing COT (we also recognized that we really wouldn't go back and do it all over again!). I shared with him the happenings of the last several months, and the success that has come to me from the gamble I took by joining the AF. I look forward to seeing him again someday.... hopefully stateside!
I think that's the way of military friendships. You're thrown together, usually in a crappy situation, and you have to figure out how to make the best of it. My cohort definitely had to deal with some challenges this year, and I think we bonded in a way that otherwise we wouldn't have if we'd not faced those difficulties together. Our internship class has started to leave.... kinda reminds me of Charlotte's babies in Charlotte's Web. We're floating off in the breeze, one by one, with just a couple left behind to remain in the big red barn. We're grown up now. We're doctors, and it's time to get out there and do our thing. Do what we do.... spread across this great land; from Hawaii to Delaware, California, Mississippi, Georgia, and all the way to Alaska. Some in Texas, Arkansas, Missouri. Others in South Dakota and Florida. Most have already left without much fanfare and only a minimal goodbye. Some I'll keep up with. Others I probably won't, but I'll never forget this time we've spent together.
As for me, I've grown a little too. Okay, I've grown a lot. The calendar stays 'in the green' until early December when Advent starts, and the preparation time begins. There will be much to celebrate this year. I imagine there will be more growing too.
"It's just a season thing. It's just this thing that seasons do. And that's the way this wheel keeps workin' now.... you can't love too much one part." -John Mayer
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