Out of My Comfort Zone....

It's been awhile since I've posted anything new. It's not that I haven't thought about it. Several times I've said to myself, "maybe I'll write about the trip to San Diego," or "I should write something about marathon training," or "just a simple 'a day in the life' blog might be interesting," but I just don't get around to it. I'm not really inspired. Now, here I am on Veteran's Day... that's a new perspective... my thoughts and feelings about actually having an appreciation for this federal holiday that usually just comes and goes in my ordinary life. However, I find myself not really even that interested in writing about it either. So, what's up with that?

Last spring and early summer I had many conversations with my friend, Larry, about being in transitional places. It's a difficult experience to describe, but Larry summed it up so eloquently when he said it is like taking a huge leap from one side of an abyss, an image that to me conjurred up the beautiful cliff known as Hawksbill Craig (Whitaker Point), then being suspended mid-air, and eventually landing squarely on the other side in territory that is unknown; sort of an Indiana Jones-crosses-the-gorge-over-a-raging-river kind of leap. I've felt every inch of that leap in the last six months or so. Now, I've landed on the other side, feet planted, knees bent, toes forward, chin up. After a few deep breathes, I am able to turn around and look at where I've been, and at the same time, I'm having trouble seeing into the distance of where to go from here.

Last weekend I went home and got to spend a lot of time with friends and family. This trip offered me some time to reconnect with friends as the kids had their own activities going on. I got to sit by the fire with Melissa, Kerry, Holly, and Melinda cooking hot dogs while kids (many, many kids!) ran around in the yard, eventually sleeping in a tent Melissa had pitched. I enjoyed margaritas and long conversations about relationships and life with Holly, Larry, and Melinda on Saturday night. I did a beautiful sunset run with Mary and Zoe. I was home. I had a weekend back over on the other side of that cliff where life was about running with my friends, hanging out with moms, and connections. If there's one thing I've learned living in San Antonio, it's that I have some really, really fantastic friends. Colter and I have talked a lot about moving, pulling up the stakes and trekking out into the wide world beyond our comfortable little state, and the difficulties that come with leaving it all behind. It takes a long time to develop the kind of relationships we have with one another... most of them years and years.

Tonight my favorite intern friend and I went to dinner. Again, we commiserated about this feeling we have of dissatisfaction with our internship thus far. I've wondered how much of that underlying feeling of agitation comes from being separated from my kids and how much of it is truly related to the training. I was sitting out on my deck this evening, thinking about my day-to-day experience with internship, wondering about whether I am even suited for this, questioning the idea of even being a psychologist in the military, and I had this sort of epiphany, a quiet thought that seeped in and hung in the air. It came as I was reflecting on practicum and how much I enjoyed working with clients in Springfield- how satisfying that was. I am out of my comfort zone... Can we be totally engaged in a new workplace, a new job, when we're this out of our comfort zone? What would I tell a client if she came to me with this sort of dilemma? I think I'd tell her that she at least needs to consider that it might not be as much about the job as she would like to think it is. Maybe she's just still trying to recover a little from a breathtaking jump over a death-defying gorge?

This weekend brings Mary and Jackie, Margaret and Bob, and Rachel to San Antonio to run the Rock 'n Roll marathon. We're going to take our time, walk some, and just enjoy eachother's company with the only goal being to finish the race. How's that for bringing the comfort zone to Texas!